Might I Be a Redneck?
Friday was hot - very hot. I traveled to Billings for provisions. I stopped at the hospital and the frame store. I met a friend for lunch. That was great. The company, the conversation, the food, the air conditioning - all made it difficult to leave for the worst part of my journey. The trip to WalMart. Now I know that many folks consider it the root of all evil. My feelings are not that extreme. My paternal grandparents owned a true Mom & Pop grocery. Or more likely, a Pop & Mom grocery. But I’m sorry - there is something to be said for convenience. When I have to drive sixty miles for almost everything, it helps to be able to fill a shopping cart under one roof. I am always pressed for time. I made my Costco stop - which was fruitful. Then I pulled into the parking lot that I dread so much. As I exited my car, I heard an awful sound. Grinding, clunking and clanking - a van drove by me and pulled into a spot. All heads in the lot turned in unison to the source of the dying dinosaur. As we tried not to look. I noticed some greasy nuts on the asphalt. I walked back to the van and inquired about universal joints with its driver. Then I went into the store.
Nothing evil happened inside. Other than my spending a percentage of the operating loan on groceries. With brimming cart I checked out. Once bagged, the WalMart Associate wasn’t able to get everything back in the cart quite the way I had filled it. I was juggling and holding things in as I returned to the car. Halfway there, the beer fell under the wheels, and the box opened. Thank goodness for cans. I scrambled to gather them. One was hissing at me. Well, at least it was cold . At the car, I turned on the AC, unlocked the doors and opened the windows. I popped the trunk and the cooler lid. That’s when I noticed something odd. I use those ice packs - solid white rectangles that I keep in the freezer. I usually grap a clear plastic bag full of them to load the cooler. Well, I had grabbed a clear plastic bag of solid white rectangles from the freezer. But the rectangles were frozen soup bones, not ice packs. Oh well, they were still frozen - and doing the job. Thankfully, not defrosting. . .
I checked the beer. It had stopped foaming. I opened it. It wasn’t even mine - it was my husband’s brand. But it was cold. I drank most of it while I packed the car. By the time the cart was empty, the car had cooled down. So I closed the windows and polished off the beer. Does drinking a beer in the WalMart parking lot make me a redneck?
July 12th, 2005 at 9:24 am
Drinking a beer in the Walmart parking lot might not do it, but using soup bones as freezer packs just might. So glad you put a new post in. Your household was growing!! Linn
July 12th, 2005 at 10:23 am
Ha! I imagine it takes more than a beer in the Wal-Mart lot to earn your redneck card, but I fear you’re on that path! A cold beer in the Friday heat sounds perfect. I was mowing a lawn, and could have used one myself!
Montannie
July 12th, 2005 at 12:24 pm
What went through my head was:
If it had been steaks or hamburger, and it had defrosted - I could have gone back in the store for a grill.
Scary. . .
July 12th, 2005 at 2:55 pm
I would have to say drinking a beer in the Walmart parking lot does make you a redneck, but only by a technicality. I think it would take much more than that to make you a bonafide ‘neck”
This is just a guess, I could be wrong.
July 12th, 2005 at 4:16 pm
Too bad it wasn’t two cans, then I think you could be sure that you are a redneck! bonnie
July 12th, 2005 at 5:58 pm
I doubt that drinking beer in a WalMart lot would automatically qualify one to be a redneck, but I’d venture to say that it would be the beginning of a very slippery slope. (Now if you had a grill and was cooking burgers and hotdogs, while wearing a plastic hat that looks like a wild boar while screaming, “Sooooooooeeeeeee!” at the top of your lungs…)
Captain James T. Kirk Dooley (”Beam me up, Scotty. There’s no intelligent life here in Arizona…or Arkansas.”)
July 12th, 2005 at 6:39 pm
Well, there are other factors to consider: the brand of beer, did you sip or chug, did you pop the top or drink it out of the hole that sprung a leak, did you have a foam cooler cup, were you secretive or oblivious to others watching?
I agree with anonymous #1 that the soup bones are another brick on the road to Redneckland.
However, you are not as far down that road as the van that dropped greasy nuts in the parking lot.
On the other hand, you DID know
about a universal joint.
I’d say you are at the junction of country and redneck.
July 13th, 2005 at 7:11 am
Either way, whatever the color of your neck, we love you. Try to stay cool. bonnie
July 13th, 2005 at 10:04 am
Yes, sweetie…you are a redneck. Soup bones, beer, and all.
And we all love you so much.
From one redneck to another - happy Wednesday!
July 13th, 2005 at 9:48 pm
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July 13th, 2005 at 9:49 pm
I think just being at a Walmart can make you a redneck. Every time I go in there I wander around thinking “Who are all these people?” I honestly don’t believe I have ever seen the same person at Walmart more than once.
July 17th, 2005 at 11:50 am
Yes. You are a redneck. Congratulations!
July 18th, 2005 at 9:32 pm
Barely a redneck but DEFINITELY a true MONTANAN! God love ya girl!